“It is not very difficult,” said Aldous Huxley, “to pursuade people to do what they are already longing to do.” There’s a lot of wisdom in that sentence if we are willing to be with it for awhile. “It is not very difficult to persuade people to do what they are already longing to do.” This is a secret that great sales people know. It’s also a secret that people who are great at relationships know.

What Huxley truly meant was that everyone is longing to do a lot of wonderful things. Everyone has dreams. Everyone has needs and everyone has wants. When we learn what those dreams are, we can really communicate and we can really persuade. If I know what you are already longing to do, it’s much easier for me to fit what I’m asking of you into that picture of yours. If I have no idea what makes you tick, if I have no idea what motivates you, if I have no idea what your dreams are, I have almost no chance of persuading you to do anything.